Lightening the load

I am losing the "weight of my weight".

God always works from the inside out, so it is obvious to me now why He's having to go deep before He works on the surface. It's just like Him to do the opposite of the world. Most people think that if they could just get an "Extreme Makeover" their life would be great, at least that's what I thought. I also thought that by sacrificing my self worth so others would approve of me was a way to be happy. Both of these are not true and are weights that have dropped off me.

I love how God reveals the spiritual through the physical so that we can better understand what we're dealing with. God said, "My burden is light, My yoke is easy". At first I wasn't sure why God asked me to do this "Martha Fast" but I see now that a lot of what I "did" was to get mans approval and wasn't spirit lead so I became weary because it was "my burden"not Gods .The "Martha Fast" was (is) a time of rest and in that rest He was (and is) able to also lighten my spiritual weight that has been a heavy burden for years. A weight of lies about what makes me acceptable; a burden neither light nor easy so not of God. As God reveals more to me and I begin to see through different eyes, exercise and eating better take on a whole new meaning.

Now that I am "practicing" to no longer measure my success, my worth, my acceptance or my beauty by the worlds standards, I'm beginning to feel a little "lighter".

Angie

Rose coloured glasses

Do you ever get those "I FEEL SO BLESSED DAYS" when you feel like you're looking at life through rose coloured glasses. When you really feel free, when you look at your children and it brings a tear to your eye cause your so overwhelmed with love. When you feel so lucky to be married to your husband, when you know you are right where you're suppose to be. 


It was nothing in particular that happened today it was just a warm fuzzy feeling God gave me. Since my "Martha fast" (that's what I call my not doing anything extra time) officially started last Dec. I have begun to have a clarity in my spirit which has lead me to places I've never ventured before (i.e. Blogs, daily bible reading, dealing with old issues, not obsessing with my weight and more). I feel separated yet connected, challenged yet peaceful, lifted up yet grounded and I feel different yet more like" me" than I have in years. God's love is so good!!! Hope you're having a blessed day.

Angie

A New Outlook

I just finished reading "You are not what you weigh" by Lisa Bevere. Danica, thank you for reminding me of this book, I've had it sitting here for over a year. It was great!! Never read a book like at this before, it was a real eye opener for me. In the world, weight lose is very self focused. It's all about keeping your mind on food, calories, points, scales, rewards, the perfect weight, pressure, stress and pretty much everything to do with ME!!! Food is (was) my greatest reward. For every emotion I had, food became my comforter, my joy, my safe place ....sounds sadly familiar. I don't want food or my losing weight to become my "golden calf " my IDOL.

I really am tired of this ruling my life and being my focus. In the book God asked Lisa to fast food for three days and He would heal her metabolism. I prayed and asked God if I should do the same. I tend to read fiction garbage books a lot and it takes the place of the bible more often than I'd like to admit so it makes sense to me that God has asked me to fast all fiction including magazines for a month. This will refocus my life off myself and on to Him. He also asked me to serve myself half of what I would usually take, offer up the food in thanksgiving and trust Him that I will find a natural satisfaction. Lisa also suggested that instead of deciding your goal weight ask God what He thinks you should weigh, so I did that. I got a higher # than what I would have picked but I'll just have to trust Him with this.

So my last weigh in was 3 weeks ago and it was 247lbs, God gave me 193lbs as a # so that is 54 away. I've handed this over to God, I've asked him to please heal my metabolism and to take control of this part of my life. (actually ,every part of my life, Amen) So when difficulties come along I'm going to keep close to God, I know this won't make them all instantly go away, but being close to God can sure make you feel bigger than your problems and then they all seem much smaller.

Thanks for your support,

Angie

The Story of Life

Hi Blog reader,

Once upon a time I started a Blog.............

Last week was good in that I had some time reflect ,it got me thinking about my life ,it felt like I was recalling a story I was once told.The fact is everyone has a story , some good ,some bad but all real ,valuable and touching.Our stories are important, they make us who we are and God uses the bad as well as the good to somehow connect us to one another.As this story unfolds it has taken me to some surprising places that, to be honest with you ,I wasn't really expecting.I was planning on focusing on weight lose but realized the weight is just a physical manifestation of unresolved issues.That's a hard reality to face as I 'd like to think I had it all together like I tried to make you all believe I did.So here we are in the chapter of Angie's Story called " She gets real". It's the chapter where I am not DOING alot so no one sees me out there getting involved being super busy hoping that someone notices what a super gal I am.No, it's more of a "be still and know" time.I'm excited about this time because I can already feel changes in myself and I'm pretty sure I've only skimmed the surface .I am truly seeking the real me ,I want to be everything God intended me to be and so I'm willing to go through this "still" time to get there.

I'm also changing the way I look at the "AFTER 7 THING" My friend suggested that instead of saying I CAN"T eat after 7 . say I CAN eat up until 7 and then I'm giving my body a break until breakfast .Basically being more positive in the way I'm viewing my healthy changes.

Angie

The Battle Field

Dear Friends from Blog Land,

Firstly, thank you for your very supportive comments,I don't even know some of you and yet we're connecting and caring ...WOW!!!

This week was okay! I decided not to step on the scale today for fear of not continuing this blog.You see ,this has been a life long battle that I have lost at more times than I care to mention and although blogging about it is good it also brings the battle to the field and exposes old wounds.I realized today that the scale not only weighs my weight but it also weighs my worth and that's a sad lie I've been living with since I was a little girl.Oh that poor little girl just trying to please others when all along she was acceptable just the way she was.This is very emotional for me right now,I'll stop and finish later.
These are times of healing ,although painful they are necessary and cleansing.Its during these times that God shows me that I was never alone ,even though I didn't know him as a child He knew me and He did love me just the way I was. I can see His protection on me through the joy I see in my children because without it I could have become an angry bitter woman and not known how to love my children unconditionally.THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!
As I continue with my " 30 day after 7 thing " I'll keep in mind that I'm not alone on that field and that today, part of the battle has already been won.VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!
Angie

Strange Connection

Hi People that read blogs,

This past week was interesting in many ways.The not eating after 7pm was harder than I thought it would be .The first two nights I was kind of frustrated ,I was feeling sorry for myself,I felt restricted so although thoughtfully chosen ,I cheated. Then on the third night I felt this strange connection to the bloggers . Knowing that only my one friend reads this ; my strange connection was that there was someone secretly wondering if Id be able to do this. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant to the fact that writing this out loud is helping me stay on track. So needless to say the rest of the week went well. After 7pm I had a water bottle in hand and sipped to my hearts content, this really helped.I weighed in on Wed. and to my surprised had lost 5lbs......I know!!!!Can you believe it. So obviously I will continue this until it becomes a habit and we don't even have to talk about it.

On the deeper side of this not eating after 7 thing ..... There was this element of fasting that began to take place , a sense of denying the flesh and in that God began to reveal things to me. He showed me how good my body was ,not by the worlds standards but by how it has functioned so efficiently for me for 43 years. How my body is strong ,it never lets me down when I'm lifting and working, Its healthy ,I rarely get sick and when I do it heals itself very quickly ,I'm able to walk a good distance and my heart and lungs tell me I can run its just the weight that puts too much pressure on my joints. Overall I have little to complain about and I feel blessed that God showed me that the very thing I have detested about myself ( my body) is the very thing I should be praising God for what a GREAT job He did on His creation.....ME!!!!

For a total computer dummy this whole experience is a very STRANGE CONNECTION!!

Looking forward to next week........ Angie

First Blog-About me

Hi Blog World,

I had to pray long and hard as to if and why I wanted to share this journey I,m about to begin. It,s a secret pain that I carry for all the world to see. It's a way that people judge me, it's like an emotional barometer ,is she good is she bad?Is she happy is she sad? Is her life doing well Oh no it couldn't,t be she,s fat!!Yes, I'm obviously talking about my weight. And what a weight it has been.

I actually didn't know I had a weight problem until my mother brought me to weight watchers when I was 11. It was there that I realized that my size wasn't acceptable.This began my quest for acceptance .Funny thing happened, I GOT FATTER !So the next best thing to win them over was being the best behaved,the nicest,the most helpful,the most responsible,the best worker,the best friend, the best christian, the best mom, the best wife, oh let's just say it SUPER WOMAN!!!! I have to say a lot of good came from this quest ,I have a lot of people in my life that genuinely love me and do accept me for who I am (fat or not).So here is why I've chosen to share my upcoming journey because although many people love me .... do I LOVE ME? Do YOU LOVE YOU? Maybe together we can get to the bottom of this.

Here the confession part. I just recently weighed myself and at 43 years old I weigh more than I did with any of my 3 pregnancies.There is such a feeling of shame with this and I know there are people out there that feel the same way.It's Feb 11 and I way 252 lbs. There ,I told you , it actually feels good not to hide it anymore.

This not a blog full of "things that worked for me"or I know the answer because obviously I don't. It's about beginning to love myself enough to want to get healthy and by journaling publicly and feeling like I'm connecting to others that may feel the same way will help me stay on track.

I am not the most disciplined person(OBVIOUSLY) so my first plan of action was to figure out when and why I ate the most . For me it's after supper and usually because I'm sitting down and feeling restless.The only emotional connection I can think of is that maybe subconsciously I feel as though I should always be doing something ( must be that Martha Syndrome I have ) so I eat. I don't know,anyway,I'm going stop eating after 7pm. My good friend suggested one thing at a time every 30 days so that's my "one thing" . I'll write at least once a week if not more because this change will surely surface some emotion that eating has suppressed.

ANGIE