I had to pray long and hard as to if and why I wanted to share this journey I,m about to begin. It,s a secret pain that I carry for all the world to see. It's a way that people judge me, it's like an emotional barometer ,is she good is she bad?Is she happy is she sad? Is her life doing well Oh no it couldn't,t be she,s fat!!Yes, I'm obviously talking about my weight. And what a weight it has been.
I actually didn't know I had a weight problem until my mother brought me to weight watchers when I was 11. It was there that I realized that my size wasn't acceptable.This began my quest for acceptance .Funny thing happened, I GOT FATTER !So the next best thing to win them over was being the best behaved,the nicest,the most helpful,the most responsible,the best worker,the best friend, the best christian, the best mom, the best wife, oh let's just say it SUPER WOMAN!!!! I have to say a lot of good came from this quest ,I have a lot of people in my life that genuinely love me and do accept me for who I am (fat or not).So here is why I've chosen to share my upcoming journey because although many people love me .... do I LOVE ME? Do YOU LOVE YOU? Maybe together we can get to the bottom of this.
Here the confession part. I just recently weighed myself and at 43 years old I weigh more than I did with any of my 3 pregnancies.There is such a feeling of shame with this and I know there are people out there that feel the same way.It's Feb 11 and I way 252 lbs. There ,I told you , it actually feels good not to hide it anymore.
This not a blog full of "things that worked for me"or I know the answer because obviously I don't. It's about beginning to love myself enough to want to get healthy and by journaling publicly and feeling like I'm connecting to others that may feel the same way will help me stay on track.
I am not the most disciplined person(OBVIOUSLY) so my first plan of action was to figure out when and why I ate the most . For me it's after supper and usually because I'm sitting down and feeling restless.The only emotional connection I can think of is that maybe subconsciously I feel as though I should always be doing something ( must be that Martha Syndrome I have ) so I eat. I don't know,anyway,I'm going stop eating after 7pm. My good friend suggested one thing at a time every 30 days so that's my "one thing" . I'll write at least once a week if not more because this change will surely surface some emotion that eating has suppressed.
ANGIE
Oh, Angie, I'm so excited to support you on your journey, and I'm sure I'll learn alot about ME, too, as you share your life. You will be a blessing to others, I just know it. Thanks for being open and honest!
ReplyDeleteI can tell you one thing...you're not alone! I think most women have struggled with their weight at one point or another. I know I have. You're taking some good positive steps though. I can tell you from my own experience that cutting out the evening snacking will really make a difference. (Now if only I could take my own advice!)
ReplyDelete